Most of us can probably agree that asking for help is hard. Like, really hard. And admittedly a lot of us are probably really bad at it. So today we’re looking at why it’s so hard and how we can slowly but surely get better about asking for it because sometimes life can be really hard and we all need it. Let’s get started!
(image via: adobe)
Why is it SO Hard to Ask for Help?!
Whether you’re asking for help with a big workload or your personal life is spiraling there are probably a million reasons we opt to not ask for help, so let’s take a look at a few.
The fear of rejection. There’s a really good chance that at one point or another we’ve gone to someone to ask for help and we’ve instead gotten told something along the lines of, ‘other people have it worse than you’, or another phrase that has otherwise belittled your problem and now you’re scarred for life.
(image via: istock)
You don’t want to be a burden. Asking for help can feel like we’re trying to be the center of attention when we really aren’t. This is one of the times our brain is lying to us because more often than not, the ‘help’ we’re seeking is nothing on the grand scale of things and we promise there are a lot of people out there that genuinely love to help, but it can be hard to get out of the mindset that we’re burdening them.
Fear of losing control. Even when we might not be handling things well, or at all, it can still feel like we have a handle on things, and asking for help feels like handing the issue over to someone else.
Being the victim of energy drain. Oftentimes when we’re facing difficulties we don’t want to relive every detail by explaining things and answering questions, so we opt to not do any of those things and simply “deal”.
How Can I Get Better at Asking for Help?
Know what you want to ask. And we don’t mean this vaguely, we mean to have what you need almost down to a science. Take a moment to sit and reflect on what you’re facing and figure out what will best help you and how the person you’re going to, be it your boss or a friend, can help. Letting someone know the specifics of what you’re needing can eliminate a lot of brainstorming, which can lead to that energy drain we talked about earlier.
Don’t apologize for and don’t minimize your needs. Remember how we said that a lot of people genuinely love helping? Well, when you minimize your needs or apologize for even asking, this takes that joyous feeling of helping away. This is one of those ‘put yourself in the situation’ situations; say a friend you love dearly comes to you and says, “I hate to ask but is there any way you could..” kinda makes you feel like they don’t want to ask because they assume you don’t want to help, huh?
(image via: istock)
Study how others ask for help. We all have to do it at one time or another and odds are, someone has asked you for help before. Study how those around you phrase what they need and figure out what you like and don’t like the sounds of.
Don’t wait until chaos ensues. We fully understand how this happens, and we’re all humans that make mistakes, but as soon as you start thinking help would be nice, go ahead and figure out the specifics of what you need and the best person you could ask, nobody likes jumping into chaos.
Focus on the end result. Asking for help can be hard and weirdly intimidating, but think about what the end result will look like if someone lends a hand.
On the other hand, think about what the end result could be if you don’t ask for help. If you end up not asking for help, what does the end result look like? Sleepless nights? Copious amounts of stress? An unfinished project? Not worth it in our opinion.